The last couple of months have brought me serious reevaluating. This time of quarantine has given many of us more time to look at things we may have neglected. It’s removed a lot of distractions too.
My started off in March with a shit ton of anxiety. I worried about my job that I love for so many reasons because I’d hate to have to seek other career option if the housing market took another dive ala 2008. The hypochondriac in me kicked in too, feeling slightly sick and praying to God I didn’t catch the ‘rona.
My younger sister, who has long dealt with anxiety, helped me cope. I also had a couple of friends who checked in on me, I am truly grateful for their love. I decided I wasn’t going to let this get the best of me: I cleaned out and organized my office to give myself my own space to retreat and get work done. I started a yoga class on YouTube. I played a lot of Xbox with my son. I baked with my daughter. I cooked a ton with my mom. All my clothes don’t fit the same anymore, but the gyms are closed so what can I do?
I cleared out social media that made me feel awful, it’s cool that some people took the opportunity to get in great shape at home, but I don’t need that kind of comparison trap in my life. My journey took a much different turn, I’d already spent the last half decade fixing the relationship with myself and my body. It was time to evaluate my heart and my head.
I’m a constant overthinker, this has its pros and cons. On one hand, I’m pretty good at planning things out and intuitively knowing what obstacles may lay ahead and be mostly prepared for them. I also overanalyze situations, sometimes reading too far into things, reading body language too much and reliving situations in my head I could’ve handled better. I’ve known for years that I had to start a meditation routine, I’d heard Transcendental Meditation (TM) years ago and it’s been on my ‘to-do’ list ever since. In early March I attended orientation at the local TM center and then the shut down happened. I was able to finally go through training over a weekend in June. TM is a mantra centered technique, it is taught all around the world and the principle idea is that it is simple and easy. It’s 20 minutes twice a day and the benefits are boundless. That was step one for me.
Earlier in the year, I went to tarot reader to have my cards read. I’ve done this here and there throughout my adult life, especially in times of turmoil, I’ve found it helpful to ask for spiritual advice. At the end of the reading, she recommended I have “limpias” (cleansings) done, and offered me the service. In that moment I realized I needed to do more, but I couldn’t just have someone do this for me, this was something I needed to learn for my own well being. Much like I know I can’t get fit by watching someone else workout, I couldn’t get my burdens lifted off me by someone else.
I researched ancestral healing, ancestral cursing, and soul retrieval. I will delve further into these details in another post. I deter you from assuming this is some kind of pseudoscience idea. Ancestral trauma has been proven by science, within the study of epigenetics, it has been found that trauma can be inherited from as far back as 14 generations.
I felt that my learning of the subject should come from my culture, I grew up around Santeria and Curanderismo so these ideas already felt familiar and I figured they would be easier to understand. I found a book on the topic of Soul Retrieval, ‘Curanderismo Soul Retrieval’ by Erika Buenaflor. It is understood that when we experience a trauma, a piece of your soul stays in that moment/dimension, some people describe traumatic moments with feeling like their soul steps outside of their body and is looking at them like a third party; that is the soul loss in action. Soul retrieval is a process aided by a shaman in which you journey back into the moment of trauma to retrieve the piece of lost soul. This is one method, in other healing methodologies, tapping is another example of the same idea which has origins in Ancient Chinese medicine. There are always different roads to the same destinations.
My studies have set me on a new path, one where I’m learning and healing in tandem. I am exploring a variety of healing methods, energy work, and intuitive development. I know well that what I’ve embarked on is a long road but in my heart it feels like this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I am excited for the journey ahead and I am grateful to have found this path. I am eager to share what I’ve learned and I am thankful for the opportunity to help others.