Having kids, losing friends

Changes in your life happen, it’s inevitable. A downfall of having children at a young age (I suppose it happens at any age but this is from my personal experience) is the loss of friendships.

When you first break the news you will be sure to find lots of congratulations and encouragement. Not all friends will lose touch during a pregnancy, some will wait until the baby is here to skip out. It sucks, but it’s the moment you realize who your real friends are.

I’m not sure if people assume that having kids equals not having time for anyone else. Maybe it’s the assumption that having a baby changes you so much that you no longer have anything in common. It could be that making plans in general is hard, lets not factor in the problems that come with planning things with kids. Sorry, my daughter wakes up sick sometimes or my plans for childcare have a tendency to fall through. We don’t mean to be flakes but it happens. These friendships require patience.

I lost a lot of connections I once felt were very strong after I had my daughter. Friends who liked to party continued to do so but I was no longer extended any invitations. I watched my friends have tons of fun in college, Vegas, clubbing, you name it. Was I jealous? Not really, I had my fair share of that stuff and I wouldn’t trade my new life for anything.

One of my best friends has been there from the start. We saw each other regularly while I was pregnant. She came over to meet my baby, babysat whenever she could, and we still meet for lunch here and there (kids in tow). She doesn’t have kids yet but I am grateful for all the effort she puts in for me. I can’t wait for the day when I can be there for her as she becomes a mom.

If you’re going through this unfortunate experience, there is hope. If you are patient (and a little forgiving) these friends will eventually be in your position. They may or may not reach out to you.

The funny thing about kids is that they often make friends for you.

You’ll meet other moms soon enough, just stay open minded. Strike up a conversation with a mom at the pediatrician’s office or at the park. If your child is in school, this is a great way to meet other moms. Meanwhile, you can also find other moms to chat with online on sites like babycenter.com or whattoexpect.com.

You are not alone in all this! You may not have tons of friends now but I think this is where “quality over quantity” really matters.


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